In an unprecedented initiative to become the global hub of digital connectedness, Riga has declared its historical Old Town as the 'Capital of Universal WiFi'. The ambitious project aims to install approximately 7 million WiFi routers within the medieval cobblestones of the UNESCO World Heritage site.

According to the city's deputy mayor, Sentiments Smirnovs, the initiative strives to ensure that every cobblestone, gargoyle, and quaint café serves as a beacon of internet connectivity. 'We've always been big on embracing both history and modern technology,' Smirnovs stated, holding up a medieval WLAN diagram for emphasis. 'By next month, we expect every single molecule of air in Old Town to have its own IP address.'

The decision follows the revelation that Latvia ranks surprisingly high on the European index for "most memes shared per capita". 'We felt it essential to secure Riga's place on this index,' Smirnovs explained. 'If we're going to compete globally, we need to enable our citizens to share memes about Kārums while standing on top of St. Peter’s Church with zero latency.'

However, the plan is not without its drawbacks. Local residents have expressed concerns about exposure to excessive WiFi signals. 'My cat Minka has been acting strangely ever since they started installing the routers,' lamented Ervins Balodis, a lifelong Old Town resident. 'She ignores her favorite chair and instead stares intensely at the router’s blinking lights as if possessed by an ancient internet spirit.'

Critics also argue that transforming a historic district into a carbon-fiber futureland might compromise the area’s architectural integrity. Yet the city council remains undeterred. 'Every church spire is a potential hotspot,' argued Smirnovs. 'And tourists are encouraged to upload selfies at a lightning speed, capturing their expressions of awe right before tripping on 13th-century paving stones.'

Local businesses are optimistic, eager to capitalize on the inevitable wave of digital nomads. 'This is great for foot traffic... and WiFi traffic!' exclaims Dana Kļaviņa, owner of a popular bistro-cum-co-working space. 'We expect people won't just come for the medieval charm anymore, but for the ultra-fast fiber-optic hotspots. Plus, maybe they'll buy a coffee.'

The initiative promises to set a precedent not only in Europe but across the world, as major cities contemplate whether connectivity should take precedence over everything else, including basic urban aesthetics and public sanity.

The project, however, is still subject to approval from an EU-wide committee of historical preservationists. They are reportedly in negotiations, querying whether future archaeologists will one day believe the Emperors of WiFi once ruled from atop the Riga Castle. Smirnovs remains optimistic. 'We Latvians are pioneers, and as they say, WiFi waits for no man.'

In the meantime, other Latvian cities are said to be watching closely. Liepāja has reportedly placed an order for 4 million routers, hoping to become recognized as the 'Seaside Oracle of the Ethernet'. Kuldīga, not to be outdone, has simply vowed to outnumber its waterfalls with routers.

Only time will tell if this internet initiative will place Riga at the forefront of global technology or if it will become an elaborate punchline for Baltic urban planning. Until then, visitors to Old Town should remember: when faced with connectivity issues, try moving slightly left—or right—to the nearest gargoyle adorned with a router.